Amen....
I put my rosary
back into my pocket
and stare out the window
into the dark night.
I brush away
a thought of Shelley
for the hundredth time.
Loneliness knocks
at the door of my heart
and I know
that I can't sit here
idle for very long.
I grudgingly
retrieve my head phones
and begin searching
for a station
worth listening to.
Yes!
The Cars!
This is no small miracle.
After the hours I wasted
earlier today
going through stations,
it's good to finally
find something I can bear
listening to.
I look out the window
and into the darkness again.
It's a shame I'm missing
all this scenery.
Oh well,
I'm just ready
to get home
and be around
people I know.
Solitude has its
good points.
They only last
so long, though.
My thoughts wander
back to today's
revelation.
That was the first time
in quite a while
that I've thought
about that dreadful night.
I reach up to my chest
and grab the crucifix
that dangles
from my necklace.
I gaze intently
at it.
How precarious
this life is.
I shudder
as I think
of that night
and how close I was
to giving up.
I had bought Satan's lie
that this life
is pointless,
and no more
than a continual
chain of empty sufferings.
Yes, the suffering
may be real,
but it surely is not
empty.
Lord, if only
I could have
those sufferings back,
so that I could offer them
to You properly,
and ask You to unite them
to Your sufferings.
However,
I know You are not
limited by time,
so I offer them to You
anyway.
I know it's not quite
the same,
but receive them
nonetheless.
I offer them
in thanksgiving
for the gift of life
and for saving me
from myself
so many times,
especially that
dreadful night.
Thank You
for preserving me
until the time
I finally came to know
and love You.
To think of all
the joys
I would have missed out on.
Lord, how deep
is Your mercy.
Sustain me in Your love
that I might never
turn back to my old ways
and miss out
on the eternal joys to come.
I look up
from my crucifix
to see that the bus
is entering Limerick.
Good.
It's getting late
and I'm looking forward
to a shower
and some sleep.
Tomorrow may be
a busy day
if I'm able
to schedule a flight.
If not,
I'll enjoy my Sunday
the way it should be:
relaxing all day.