After a long
and uneventful ride,
I arrive in Knock.
As I step off the bus,
I look over to the Shrine.
Wow.
My first urge
is to run
to my long-awaited
destination,
but I know
that I will appreciate it
so much more
without the inconvenience
of this pack.
I ask a girl
selling religious items
in a streetside booth
where I can find
a place to stay,
then follow her directions
up the street
to a Bed and Breakfast.
When I walk in,
the whole family
is gathered in front
of the television
in the living room
watching the
football championship.
County Mayo
is one of the teams,
so they are naturally
more concerned with
the game than me.
The Irish
take their football
very seriously.
When the next time-out
finally occurs,
the mother greets me
and shows me to my room.
I’m only there long enough
to drop my pack
and change clothes.
-------
As I walk onto the grounds
of the shrine,
I feel my soul swell
at the sense of holiness
that permeates this place.
I come upon a walkway
lined with large
stations of the cross,
and follow
Christ’s path to Calvary,
praying an “Our Father”
at each stop.
After the journey
of the past few days,
I have a fuller understanding
of this great mystery
and am able
to meditate on it
more deeply
than I ever have.
Afterwards, I wander
along the sidewalks
looking at statues
and buildings
until I find myself at
the Blessed Sacrament Chapel.
I walk in and see
Christ present
on the altar
in the monstrance.
I feel joy
as never before
and make my way
to a kneeler.
The instant my knees
touch the kneeler,
the feeling of joy
increases until
every bit of my body
is bursting with it.
Tears begin
to flow,
and I don’t even know why.
It’s as if
the Holy Spirit
is filling me completely
and forcing
everything else out.
My body feels weightless
and only the contact
of the kneeler
assures me
that I’m not floating
on thin air.
I open my heart
and begin to silently
pour forth praises
to the Lord
for all the blessings
He has given me thus far,
for the opportunity
to make this pilgrimage,
and for His mercy.
After a few moments,
I’m so overcome
with joy
that I can’t even
put my thoughts
together anymore,
so I just start
singing to the Lord
in my mind...
“Swing low
sweet hands of God,
lift me up.”
As this song of praise
is all I can think of,
I continue offering it
to the Lord
over
and over
and over....
Suddenly,
without consciously
willing it,
another song
comes clearly to mind...
“Waiting for the day
when I hear you say,
‘Here is the one
I have created
just for you….’”
Complete peace
washes over me
as this song comes
to mind.
I try to pass it off
as just a random thought.
After all,
I've listened to this song
so many times
with longing in my heart.
I try to stop thinking
of this song,
to brush it away
and return to my praises.
Despite my efforts,
I can't make it
go away.
It's as if
I've lost control
of my own thoughts.
This is from the Lord.
Yes, the peace.
Without fully understanding
the experience itself,
I now know,
without a doubt,
that I am called
to the married life,
and that there is
someone out there
whom the Lord
has made for me
to spend the rest
of my life with.
I just have to be
patient enough
to wait for Him
to bring her to me.
This knowledge,
though not entirely logical,
fills me
to the core of my being.
Surely, this
is what the Lord meant
when He told us
that the Spirit
would speak to our hearts.
I sing the whole song
to the Lord
as a prayer
and tears of peace
continue their journey
to the floor below.
When I have finished
this prayer,
I remain in silence
and bask in this peace
until adoration ends.
When I walk out
of the chapel,
I feel as if
all of the weight
has been lifted.
For the first time
in my life,
I feel whole.
My next stop
is the Reconciliation Chapel
for Confession.
I examine my conscience
as I gaze upon
the crucifix,
then enter the booth
to offer the most complete Confession
I ever have,
even remembering
things from the past
that I had never confessed
because I had either
forgotten them
or never realized
how serious they were.
What had started
in adoration
was completed here.
Finally free of my past,
I go to
the Apparition Chapel
to do my penance
and pray until Mass.
-------
After Mass,
I walk out of the church
and, by the time I step
off of the Shrine grounds,
a light rain begins
to shower down.
I am reminded
of my Baptism.
How appropriate.
As the drops
sprinkle over me,
I thank the Lord
for the poetry
of Creation.
I also thank Him
for the completeness
of this day.
This pilgrimage
was obviously
the real reason
the Lord drew me
to Ireland.
I know that this
is not to be my home,
and that I have
much more to do
back in America,
though I don’t
know what yet.
It’s funny
that I came here
thinking I may never leave,
and in only a few days
I find that
the heart of my journey
is already over.
Did I really have to come
all the way to Ireland
to receive this grace, though?
Couldn’t I have gone
to adoration and confession
back home?
I guess that’s
not important.
The simple fact of the matter
is that I did come here
and did receive
this grace.
There’s no point
in second-guessing.
The Lord
has His reasons
for everything He does
and I’m sure
that the full impact
of this journey
will become
more and more evident
over the years.
That’s the nature
of such profound
events in our lives.
They grow within us
over time
like seeds
and become integral
parts of who we are.
From this day forward,
Knock,
and all the rest
of Ireland as well,
will always be
a part of me.
-------
After stopping for supper,
I return to my room
and write several letters
to family and friends
to let them know
that I’ll be home soon.
It will take a while
for the exhilaration
to wear off enough
for me to sleep.
In the meanwhile,
I listen to
one of my tapes
and catch up on
my journal writing.
I find that
I am even more excited
about the rest of the trip
than I had previously been.
This joy
has given me new hope
and a more intense desire
to live life fully.
I marvel over
the Lord’s grace.
How is it that I,
who deserve so little,
have been given
so much?
Not only
have I been given
peace and joy,
but also the answer
to the plaguing
question of my vocation.
This last bit of grace
astounds me the most,
for I received it
when I was least
looking for it.
This whole experience
has proven to me
that we can never
earn grace.
God only gives it
in His deep love
for us.
Often, He gives it
precisely
when we least deserve it,
just to show us
how great His love is.
Of all the mysteries
I’ll ever ponder,
surely this one is
the most mysterious.